This is going to be a long post... The last couple of months have been difficult health-wise. On the 16th of May I had a seizure. My heart was going crazy and it took nearly 5 hours for the ER doc to stabilize it. I was told it was likely caused by a medication I was on. I stopped taking it and have had several episodes of tachycardia since. My primary doctor wasn't taking things seriously and said I was fine. My back specialist on the other hand has been very concerned. He tried every avenue to help me but our insurance kept denying all requests. On Wednesday I was having a cavity filled. As soon as the Novocain hit me, my heart started racing. My dentist noticed something was up and immediately stopped. After an hour my heart slowed enough that he felt confident to continue.

     With all the changes to our insurance it's very difficult for me to get the kind of care I need. I feel abandoned by our health care. It's a system my husband signed his life away for.  After months of trying to hunt down my sleep study results I finally was able to get the 411. I don't have sleep apnea, just poor sleep quality. I'm not reaching the deep stages of sleep that I should be. Again, my assigned doctors aren't worried. So I'm not sleeping, experiencing chronic pain in my back/hip, my ankles have started to have issues, and now my heart is going crazy. I can't be on any meds until they figure out my heart situation. Even with my body falling me, I can't help but feel blessed. I have 3 great kids and a wonderful husband. They help out when needed and keep me laughing when I would otherwise cry. Tomorrow I have an appointment with cardiology at the base. I'm hoping they find something.

     If I've learned anything in my 29+ years, it's that you can't predict anything. The last few years have been a challenge. I have struggled with my limitations and years of physical pain. I see a specialist typically once a week. This helps my back move like it should which keeps my pain from escalating. I have had numerous procedures and tried a variety of prescriptions. I accepted this was my "new normal" about 2 years ago. I feel pain every single day. I have changed the way I do everything. I rarely bend to pick things up. Laundry is sorted and stacked up high. The kids pick things up from the floor, a lot. I don't ski, exercise, bike, or enjoy any of the family activities we used to love. My husband is great at jumping in and lightening my load. He will see me doing something and help if possible. I am grateful for that. I can't imagine a better partner.

     This past week has been one of the worst in a while. The Air Force sent us their "final" offer for our claim. It was $30,000. Our initial suit was for 1,000,000 and I still feel that is what they owe. No amount of money will every be compensation for what I've been through but I feel they should show they are responsible. I feel the Air Force should care about what happened to me. We got stuck with a bad attorney who wasn't interested in our case. The part that angers me most... we won't ever see $30,000. By the time our attorney takes his cut and filing fees are taken, we will receive around $10,000. It's hard to pin point a number that represents everything you went through and will continue going through. I have lost over $25,000 in income alone. I haven't forgotten 3.5 years of excruciating pain. I haven't forgotten how I couldn't hold my baby until she was too old to "want" being held. I haven't forgotten the way I used to play with my children. I haven't forgotten how this trial changed my life. Most of all, I haven't forgotten my passion - the thing I long for and miss. I miss dancing. I miss the creativity and freedom that was a huge part of my life.

     I feel like I've had to mourn the life I used to have. People can't tell there is anything wrong by looking at me. Other than weight gain, my appearance isn't too different. Under the surface is a different story. My spine curves much more than it used to. My left hip pops out of the joint several times a day and sits 1 1/2 inches lower than the right. The actual joint (SI) is failing. I have nerve damage, bulging discs, muscle spasms, I get swelling in my feet (they will often go numb), I have degenerative disc disease, my sacrum is locked and gives very limited mobility with the added bonus that I'm allergic to most pain medication. This is my "new normal". I have to get out of bed a specific way and I can't sit or stand for too long without my pain increasing.

     Some days I handle it better than others. I can't count the number of times I wanted to stay in bed and cry all day. Every time I hear about someone being awarded 2 million dollars because their Subway foot long wasn't 12" or 3.5 million dollars because their Mc Coffee was too hot and burned their tongue I get mad. After the anger tears usually follow. Then I have to remind myself of what my father used to always say, "Life isn't fair." It's not. This little reminder helps me. I have faith that things will be made right in the next life. I have faith that a loving Heavenly Father knows what I am going through and that his Son died for me. He died for my pain, anguish, and sins. He is there to comfort me and offer his peace. I know that the atonement is here for me. Our idea of a justice system is a joke. If you don't have a huge stash of cash to pay the right kind of attorney, you are on your own. We were told to take our case to a jury would require $60-70,000 up front. We contacted numerous attorneys and were given the same numbers. I don't have requirements like that with the Lord. I think my relationship with him is the only reason I make it day to day. I try not to have pity parties. I am grateful that my injuries are not more severe and I try to focus on what I can do, not can't. Most of all, I am grateful for you. I have family and friends that support me, love me, and lend a listening ear when I need it most. Thank you for being there.

Spare time, WHAT spare time?

Lots to post, so little time. Here is a quick rundown... I have been super busy with my business (BrinaBabe Boutique).

I was recently featured on Alaska Coupon Diva. If you haven't already, check me out on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Anchorage-AK/BrinaBabe-Boutique-Accessories/387384545482 or etsy: http://www.brinababe.etsy.com/

While I am thrilled to be doing so well, I am definitely working harder than I imagined. Additionally we had our St. Patrick's Day Party, and the R.S. Birthday Party. We had a great turnout and the food was FABULOUS!

Whew, I am tired just thinking about it. Speaking of good food, n and I have tried several new recipes and here they are:

Chicken Casserole (this was an experiment that turned out quite well)
3-4 chicken breast cubed and cooked
1 can cream of chicken soup (Depending on chicken qty. you might need 2)
a bag of frozen veggies
bisquick
milk
egg
Dijon mustard
1/3 cup Italian dressing (more or less to taste)
Cheese

I mixed the chicken, soup, veggies, a few squirts of mustard, the dressing and a little milk, then pour it into a 13x9 pan (if you aren't using a stone, spray it first). Top with cheese. Mix the egg, water, and bisquick until you get a pancake batter-like consistency. Pour over cheese and bake at 350 until golden brown.

Apple Cobbler

5 cups of apples (skins removed and sliced)

1 c. sugar

cinnamon

2 Tbsp soft butter

Fill bottom of 13x9 pan with apples and sprinkle sugar over top. Sprinkle cinnamon and top with butter. Pour batter mixture over top and bake at 350 for 30-35 min.

Batter

1/2 c. milk

2 c. Bisquick

1 c. sugar

1 egg

1 Tbsp butter

Mix ingredients until smooth.

Lemon Cake

1 pkg. lemon cake mix

1 pkg. lime jello (4 serving size)

1 envelope dream whip topping

1 pkg. instant lemon pudding (4 serving size)

1 1/2 c. cold milk

Dissolve lime jello in 3/4 c. boiling water. Add 1/2 c. cold water. Set aside. Mix and bake cake mix. Cool 20-25 minutes. Poke deep holes through top of warm cake with large serving fork. Slowly pour gelatin into holes. Refrigerate cake while making topping.

Topping

In a chilled deep bowl blend and whip topping mix, instant lemon pudding, and cold milk until stiff. Remove cake from refigerator and immediately frost cake. Store in fridge.

Spring is here!

This flower clip (small two-tone) is available locally and at www.brinababe.etsy.com. I have a huge variety of flower clips, hats, headbands, jewelry, wipe clutches and more! 

Catching Up!

Whew! The past week or so have been busy. Trying to stay on top of orders, hit all of my physical therapy appointments, be a mom... I get overwhelmed just thinking about it. A week from Saturday Jon and I are supposed to go dancing. This will give me a gauge as to what I can/can't do, my pain vs. activity level, and meter how quickly I am healing. I am nervous, but also excited. I am so tired of being hurt that I can't wait to jump back in the saddle. This could be a turning point. Then again, I could wake up Sunday morning and wish I hadn't.

If you haven't been following me on etsy or facebook, I'll just say this, I have been working my tail off. I have all kinds of new items - most of which have been listed. I have sold far more than I expected to at this stage of the game. Jon is such a good sport. He can run into JoAnn's and grab a 10mm crackle bead without even thinking about it. Not only does he indulges my hobbies, but often will help me in the selection process too.

Speaking of my sweetheart... he treated me to a wonderful Valentines WEEKEND. We went to dinner and watched Avatar. This was the first time we left all 3 kids behind. It was HEAVEN. I love my kids, but every now and then it's good to have a break. Well, this post is probably the most boring to-date, but I am grateful for that. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. We love you!

Mango Chicken Taco's

These were super yummy and could easily be transformed into a Panini.

4 (or more) tortillas
2 cooked chicken breasts
a few slices of Gouda cheese
a little mango salsa

Warm up your tortilla, add chicken, salsa, and cheese. You can "toast" these in the oven to get a slightly crispier end result.

Flowers...

I have been working like mad on hair accessories. These super cute flower clips can be worn alone, on dresses, or with headbands like the one shown. I have yet to photograph all my new items, but here is a sample of what's to come...